tame your monkey mind

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
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If you can’t laugh at yourself,
I can help you out.

If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.

passage

I 'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

All Just Dust

Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help me do the dishes.

free advice

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Imagine if...

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

Far Left

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Far Right

As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

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next exit ahead

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Always go to other people’s funerals,
otherwise they won’t come to yours.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. I want my children to have all the things I couldn 't afford. Then I want to move in with them. I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

the history of plasma

I didnt write these lines. That would have required creativity, effort, inspiration and time. I did, however, avoid work and skipped my afternoon nap, and that has to mean something.

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Beard Not Mullet Is It Christmas 9 Lives Come on in
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If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.